Hill Song Church Part II

So, I have been stressing over my politics class because it is the only class that is giving me problems. Although I currently have a B in the class, the exams here are 50% of the grade and I know exams are not my strong points. I have been praying to god to help me and guide the way for me to get a B+ in this class at least and an A in the rest of my classes because I have been working very hard. I know that sometimes it doesn’t seem like god will answer you so, I decided that I needed to go to church to send my message to him a little closer.

I know that I have been wrapped up in school so much, that I haven’t been making time for church which is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. So, I decided yesterday that I was going to visit HillSong today because it has been a long and rough weekend for me. Anyways before I went to church, I spoke to my mother about how stressed I was and to send prays for me and as soon as I go to the church, there was a pray request form waiting for me. I was so happy to be able to send prays through a local church. I learned that local churches and individuals in those local churches connect you to god. I send a pray up for myself, those around me and for everyone in the world. I like to helps other get their pray requests because I love for others to help me as well and DUH it is the right thing to do! Anyways the service was focused on exams today and the whole church prayed over me as well as the other students and it was so powerful, I couldn’t help but cry. I think some of the stress was definitely able to be lifted off of my shoulders a little and I was definitely more confident that Jesus will guide me through this stepping stone in my life I have never felt that I have worked so hard to fall so low in my life. Its crazy and I feel that I have never been this down before that it actually kills me and to think over one class but a 6 credit class where my grade transfer and where this will mean the most for my GPA. I pray for my teacher and TAs for my politics class as well because I am focused on my grade and learning the content while they are tell me I should focus on the content and not the grade. I don’t understand how they are uncorrelated. Any who the church prayed and the serum was about listening before you speak and seeing beyond what the natural eyes show us.
My natural eyes shows me grades that I am displeased with, a school system that stresses me out beyond control, and time is running out. But I know god has a plan for me and I have a plan for myself and that is to become successful by having an impact on lives and in order to get there I have to take one day and one step at a time and god will lead the way to my success. All I have to do is follow it!

So, how I decided that Hill-Song was going to be my Cape Town Church, I also received the good news that a church will open in NYC so, I am honored to go to the church when I go home. I very eager to get involved in a church to learn more about my lord and savior as well as build and develop a stronger relationship with my god. We have all been created for a reason and we all have a purpose in life and I am determined to make mine have a positive impact on the lives of those that follow me.

Stay Royal :-)

BEAUTIFUL

So I have this friend name Mandla from my dance class who always gets complimentary tickets to the shows at Baxter Theater. Baxter Theater is like Broadway shows so, it is always nice to go an meet all the high class people as well as dancers from all over Cape Town as well as South Africa. Anyways, the first show we went to was Carmen By Dada, she was absolutely AMAZING, every move was sharp and the choreography was out of this world. It was definitely the first play here that I was able to follow and by far one of the BEST. So today I was invited to go to another show called Beautiful and I am down to go to a show where I don’t have to pay and It is across the street so, I am able to leave when I want. Beautiful was this show where the cast was all unable people. I have yet to see any disable people in Cape Town because apparently, the proper thing to do here is to hide them. Anyways there were death people, multiple s sclerosis, blind, etc. The people were dancing in wheel chairs and saying skits. It was beautiful as the title said it would be. I felt so many emotions because it makes me think about all the things that I complain about and some people are unable to see, walk, hear, or talk and they are fulfilled with life. I also thought about how well the actors and actresses dance and performed despite their disabilities. I am here searching for fulfillment through education and by living life day by day, not realizing how blessed I am to have all my senses and to be able to walk.

Funny what people complain about! There was a quote “I once complained about shoes until I met a man without any feet.” Thinking about this, it makes no sense for people to complain when they have been fortunate enough to make it to another day. But will this stop us from complaining? Think about! I am sure you will be a little more conscious about what you complain about from now on.

Stay Royal :-)

Counting your blessings

I find it interesting that many people like to call on God when something really bad happens. I admire my god-Jesus and all the other gods as well because s/he is so forgiving and aware that people make mistakes. We as human beings are all aware that people make mistakes, but I have never met someone that is able to forgive for everything-I believed that it is humanly impossible. I have been thinking about how blessed I am a lot lately and even going back to my last blog “Too Blessed to be Stressed,” but I am always stressed. I have been truly blessed my whole life, but now everything is so clear. I can see everything and I am soo grateful for God and his help for me to achieve my goals. I mean of course, I haven’t received everything I wanted, but the important thing is that I have received everything that I have needed. This year has been a heck of roller-coaster because I have been definitely shown a number of life situations that come along with growing up.

Let me count some of the Blessings I have:
1. I am in South Africa studying abroad and getting an education under British curriculum and having a winter that is a Spring in the U.S.
2. I am able to wake up every morning and open my eyes with good health and no disabilities
3. I am able to inspire people
4. I am able to afford to take care of myself in another country
5. I am surrounded by people who love me and have my best interest at heart
6. I am blessed to have the trials and tribulations and to have the strength to continue to go on

I can sit here and count my whole 21years of life in blessings, but that still wouldn’t be enough to express of lucky and grateful I am. I use to ask why me? Why have I been treated so good in my life and the people that are struggling are unable to get half as much as me. I feel that in life there are always going to be people more fortunate and less fortunate when you compare yourself and I have been very fortunate in my life. I feel that it is my duty to help as many people as I can-My goal in life is to make an impact that will be able to spread to someone else that will start a trend.
Many people are blessed with a lot of good fortunate, but if you can’t share that good fortune then what is the purpose of having it? When your life has been impacted by something, share it! You may change someone else’s life.

Stay Royal :-)

Names and Stereotypes

So there are so many stereotypes that you hear when you think of Africa and the funny thing about it is that Africa is spoken about as if it is one country. The amusing thing is that you never think about the things you will hear about America or what foreigners believe about America.
Africa is known to be very under-developed and although South Africa is developed a lot, it is not as efficient as I am use to and also not a good depiction of the rest of the continent. There are trained cheetahs here that visitors can pest for around 15 USD. The cars are on the opposite side of the road and I live in the suburbs of the city of Cape Town so, poverty is definitely not seen on a daily basis. I do know that poverty exists because I have been to townships and I have learned about the separations that apartheid has created. Although Apartheid is over legally, the legacy still has an affect on the way South Africa looks today.

Interesting conversation I had
V:what is your real black name? I
M: I don’t understand what you are asking. My name is Erica
V: You don’t have a shaniwa or rabonshine?
M: my name is Erica black or not.
**This was definitely not the first time I have had to deal with the name thing. I was told that African Americans have the craziest names and I was definitely asked that (what’s your African American name) again. I also was told to believe that names as such were African so, we were in a debate about it because my RA said that he has never met and that I will never meet a African girl with a WA Nay or something of that sort on the end of her name. I volunteer at this place CAFDA, shadowing social workers, and a colored girl walks in and her name is Kabanisha and I busted out laughing. It was rude and so funny at the same time that I had to write to my RA and tell him. He writes me back any say colored girls are different from blacks….always something ey? lol **

V: oh, so you live in the projects?
M: No, I don’t
V: Are you sure? All the black girls live in the projects right?
M: No, that is like me saying all the black people live in townships

This was very shocking to me because he is someone who is very educated when it comes to things going on in the world. I was taken back to hear these words come out of his mouth. He tells me that the boondocks is a good depiction of black life in America right? I said no and I had to laugh because so many people here have asked me if it is a good depiction of black America and from my opinion, black America is nothing like the boondocks. Just because we think that people in Africa don’t wear clothes and are very poor based on the things we see on TV, we have to remember that the Africans watch TV as well so, the stereotypes we go off of are very similar to those that they see about us and go off of what TV depicts as well.

Stay Royal :-)

Losing Yourself in Labels

So coming up with titles are always an issue when writing blog entries. I was in my social and economic development class and we were discussing battered women and the concept of losing yourself in labels came to mine. I personally have always felt that I live my life through labels and following the shadows of my Mom and my brother. They have set the standards very high for me and because their standards are so high, I am labeled through them: “Little Sandy” or “Little Rah.” Interesting the way life works because I am so different from the both of them, yet this label encourages me to be all that I can be. But thinking back to this label thing, I have always had an issue with describing myself without using a label or even understanding what constitutes into a label.

Label: Brand, Sticker, Marker, Tag

This is a very interesting definition especially when I think of the labels I have been tagged with and the stereotypes that come along with this label as well as how my life is predicted based on these stereotypes and tags and the struggles I have to face to get through them.
• Being a black woman in America

• I go to an all-white private school in upstate New York where even in the 21st century, I have to deal with ignorant races remarks

• I find myself stuck in the position of having to explain my race more than I planned to

• I have to deal with the issues of being judged on getting in my school through affirmative action rather than me being there because I earned it through busting my ass in school

• I have to deal with the fact that an educated black woman is a very intimidating force to be reckoned with

• On top of that, The more education I acquire can actually ruin my income: Studies show the higher a woman of color education goes, the more here income decrease---Race and Ethnicity Class (Ithaca College)

• I have to deal with being pre-judged to be aggressive and independent or Dependent and a Push Over—very little room to maneuver

• I am labeled to be a teenage mom or caught in the circumstances of being sexually aggressive

• We are stereotyped to all come from an urban neighborhood and to be labeled as “HOOD”

• Black Women have the highest rates of HIV

• Black women are included in the people of color women to be single parents or raised in single-parent homes

• Being from New York City

• New Yorkers are labeled to be rude and very to themselves

-I find this funny when everyone I met, I have introduced myself to

• Stuck up and always in a rush

• There are no trees and we don't care about the earth
  

-One of the ignorant things I was told at Ithaca

• All the boroughs are just one place

• Urban children from NYC have never been anywhere or done things outside of being in the city

So all of these things are markers that I have been labeled to, but I don’t fit into them so, what do I label myself as? I am still proud to be a black woman making progress in America when although not exclusively racist through law, the systems are still under racist rule. I am definitely proud to be a New York because I love Harlem and the person it has made me become.

But the crazy thing when it comes to descriptions, it is a hassle to try and describe yourself without having a labels. Labels are what make you who you are right? WRONG, no one sits down to examine exactly who they are and what makes them who they are. In some places you are characterized by your society So, In South Africa; since apartheid just ended in 1994, there are many issues with race and labels. There are six race categories here: Black, White, Colored, Asian, Indian, and Other. When you have been characterized in this group, you are racially profiled. There are many stigmas that come along with the categories and of the people that are forced to grow in these boxes.

There are colored traditions that are not shared in the black or the white community. Indians and Colored have an upper hand in comparison to the whites and the Asians, but the blacks and the colors are on the same level when it comes to economic status. Yes, this is Africa and to be ideal would be for there to be African Kings and Queens and the continent full of the inspiring blacks, but that is NOT reality. Many people allow labels to cover their life so much that they forget who they were before those labels. It is interesting here because Colored has been used as a derogatory term just as it has in the United States but the people who are categorized as that race consider the term as part of their identity and to take it away would mean that they are missing something.

In Class, Labels came up with the discussion of battered women and them not having any idea as to what to do once out of the abusive relationship. These women have been wives and mothers for so long and abused, that they forget who they are as women. They are unaware of How to treat themselves or care for themselves because they have been neglecting themselves for so long. It is crazy how involved in your life you become that when you begin to become a care-taker you forget the most important person to take care of is yourself.
Even if you find yourself caught up in labels, don’t let it overwhelm you to the point where you forget who you are. Be you and help others. I find the best thing for me to do with labels is to embrace them so, I am able to change the negative stereotypes into positive ones.

Stay Royal :-)

South African Guys

So, the other day, my friend Viwe asked me “What do you think about South African Boys” Here it is:

Every time I travel, whether it be in the U.S. or going outside of the U.S., I like to do comparisons so this was a very interesting topic for me to blog about. Anyway so, South African men have been very appealing to me. I can only speak on behalf of my experience and generalize for a moment what I have seen. I have also only been exposed to University males and males around the program so, my view on South African guys are very limited

1. Men here are very intelligent

a. Most of the guys that I have come across are triple majors and in Masters programs (2^nd masters degree)

b. Men here are very cultural, I have met a lot of men who are deeply involved with their cultural practices and although

2. Men here are very aggressive

a. Men are very blunt here, nothing is sugar-coated or censored, it is usually said exactly how it crosses the mind

i. Not meant to hurt you, just uncensored with a smile

b. Men like to be upfront and touch you to get your attention

i. I hate this, don’t have to touch me to speak to me

1. Makes you look very desperate…smh

3. Hygiene

a. Just like everywhere in the world, you have those that have bad hygiene and those that have good

i. I have found that those with good hygiene have beautiful scents that just flow in the wind

ii. The cologne or soap or deodorant smells amazing.

4. Dress Very Well

a. The guys here are always dressed up, I have yet to see a guy dressed down here

i. Button ups jeans and shoes

ii. Even if they where tackies (sneakers) they can still dress up an outfit

5. Comfortable with sexuality

a. Guys here bend over tables just like a girl would and I must say, I have never seen a straight guy

b. Guys here will say another guy is attractive and I will think nothing of it---Where at home the question of homosexuality comes up

6. Brotherly

a. There is a strong bond between the men here

i. Even if they are from different neighborhoods or cultural tribes, they can connect like brothers

7. Very demanding

a. Still have the mentality that women are beneath them

These are just some things that I have noticed about the African Men here. I think they are very interesting and I admire the whole dressing up aspect as well as the comfortability with sexuality. I can honor that because I have never seen anything like that in my life and I respect it because it is okay for females to do it and men here. The society is just as sexist as U.S., but the sexism dynamics are interesting none the least.

Thats all for now

Stay Royal :-)

Too Blessed to Be Stressed

So, Last week and this week has been hectic, I have had 2-4 emotional breakdowns. I have never been so stressed about school in my life! This is such a crazy experience for me because to talk to people is just for them to say it’s okay. It is not okay and because I don’t express my emotions as much, everything that is built up comes out in abundance. I was crying class and trying to focus on what the lecturer was saying, but it wasn’t happening!! I couldn’t sit in class, I forgot that I had my once a week class so, I didn’t show up for that, it was all just a big hot mess. I have staff here that I can go to for support, but for someone to tell me that I am brave for taking a third year level course and that everything is going to be okay, doesn’t help my situation. I am the type of person that just likes to vent and cry and then get over it and I am unable to do that here. That is so stressful, when I am in situations like this, the best people to call are my mother and my boyfriend. The problem with this is that I am six hours ahead so, my boyfriend is sleeping and I can’t interrupt because he is in school as well, and my mom is telling me spiritual sayings. I love god and I know that he will take care of me, but to tell me “I’m too blessed to be stressed” is definitely not going to de-stress me. I have to sit down and think, I am too blessed to be stressed, but I am not convincing myself that it will be okay!

Sometimes, I don’t understand my blessings and most things, I feel I have to sit back and think! I am blessed to be able to study abroad and get scholarships to do it. I am blessed to be independent to the point where I don’t need any money from my parents while I am here. I arranged everything to get here by myself (no help from my parents) and I am here. I am pulling off all Bs and As in my classes thus far when students here even say that As are not common. I know you look at all of this and say why am I stressed then? Let’s think about it:?

1. I am a senior and I need a good GPA to get into the schools I want to go to (Columbia, NYU).

a. Focusing on the GPA, these grades count into my GPA so, the grades matter

i. Although grades can never show work ethic, I need something to be shown, that is higher than a B

ii. Exams here are 50% of the grades and I must say tests are not my strong points

iii. My teacher is rude to tell me I am not focusing on the content, but the grades when I don’t understand how the content doesn’t have an effect on the grade.

2. I am applying for graduate school programs while I am here

a. I have to focus on my undergraduate study assignments as well as graduate school

i. I have to write personal statement in between my million papers

ii. I have to edit my resume when the people I contact at home don’t even respond

iii. I have to harass people from a distance who can instantly ignore me by deleting an email-MY FUTURE DEPENDS ON THEM

1. I HATE DEPENDING ON PEOPLE

Anyways, the director of my program, who has been my support here told me that I will be laughing about this soon so, I am praying that this day comes fast because all I can do know is cry and get mad at myself for doing that.

That’s all for now

Stay Royal :-)