Too Blessed to Be Stressed

So, Last week and this week has been hectic, I have had 2-4 emotional breakdowns. I have never been so stressed about school in my life! This is such a crazy experience for me because to talk to people is just for them to say it’s okay. It is not okay and because I don’t express my emotions as much, everything that is built up comes out in abundance. I was crying class and trying to focus on what the lecturer was saying, but it wasn’t happening!! I couldn’t sit in class, I forgot that I had my once a week class so, I didn’t show up for that, it was all just a big hot mess. I have staff here that I can go to for support, but for someone to tell me that I am brave for taking a third year level course and that everything is going to be okay, doesn’t help my situation. I am the type of person that just likes to vent and cry and then get over it and I am unable to do that here. That is so stressful, when I am in situations like this, the best people to call are my mother and my boyfriend. The problem with this is that I am six hours ahead so, my boyfriend is sleeping and I can’t interrupt because he is in school as well, and my mom is telling me spiritual sayings. I love god and I know that he will take care of me, but to tell me “I’m too blessed to be stressed” is definitely not going to de-stress me. I have to sit down and think, I am too blessed to be stressed, but I am not convincing myself that it will be okay!

Sometimes, I don’t understand my blessings and most things, I feel I have to sit back and think! I am blessed to be able to study abroad and get scholarships to do it. I am blessed to be independent to the point where I don’t need any money from my parents while I am here. I arranged everything to get here by myself (no help from my parents) and I am here. I am pulling off all Bs and As in my classes thus far when students here even say that As are not common. I know you look at all of this and say why am I stressed then? Let’s think about it:?

1. I am a senior and I need a good GPA to get into the schools I want to go to (Columbia, NYU).

a. Focusing on the GPA, these grades count into my GPA so, the grades matter

i. Although grades can never show work ethic, I need something to be shown, that is higher than a B

ii. Exams here are 50% of the grades and I must say tests are not my strong points

iii. My teacher is rude to tell me I am not focusing on the content, but the grades when I don’t understand how the content doesn’t have an effect on the grade.

2. I am applying for graduate school programs while I am here

a. I have to focus on my undergraduate study assignments as well as graduate school

i. I have to write personal statement in between my million papers

ii. I have to edit my resume when the people I contact at home don’t even respond

iii. I have to harass people from a distance who can instantly ignore me by deleting an email-MY FUTURE DEPENDS ON THEM

1. I HATE DEPENDING ON PEOPLE

Anyways, the director of my program, who has been my support here told me that I will be laughing about this soon so, I am praying that this day comes fast because all I can do know is cry and get mad at myself for doing that.

That’s all for now

Stay Royal :-)